you should learn some manners, young man

i've decided that if/when i ever have some extra time on my hands, i'm gonna do some extended research on varying notions of common courtesy (at least within American culture). i feel that "common courtesy" no longer exists in my generation, but i know that can't be true.... people's views of it must be morphing over time. and i'd like to chronicle the transition. here's some basic curiosities to whet your appetite (and mine)...

1. is asking someone to "hang out" the same as asking them for a date? does anything change if that request is made on facebook rather than by phone or in person? and what exactly is implied by the word "date"?
2. does a question over text message need to be responded to as quickly as a question over voicemail? do either of them "require" responses to be courteous? when (if ever) can it be called proper to "send hints" through silence (non-response)?
3. should social miscommunications be talked out, or let go? what if one person thinks the former, and one person the latter? does one person's preference trump the other's, and if so, why?

* i do realize that these are questions that pertain largely to my social mix-ups of late, and that there are tons more questions that could be asked (having little or nothing to do with friendships/relationships), but forgive me this please. since i can almost never get any insight from my "accomplice" in the mix-up, i think i need to look for information PRIOR to a mix-up (perhaps from the broader public, who can think back to social stumbles they experienced in the past, without a presently pressuring situation being there to influence their responses). in the moment of a mix-up, one's commentary is likely to be less than candid... but reflecting back, they're probably going to say something much more informative about common courtesy.

now, does anyone want to write my masters thesis for me, so i can get started on this (very important) work? ;)

i've had enough...

i'm completely done with this notion pervading our culture that you must never call anything illegitimate. it's almost as if we should take the word out of the dictionary for some people. but i refuse - rather, i'm gonna look up the word right now:

(il)legitimate:
adj.

1. in accordance with the laws of reasoning; logically inferable; logical.
2. not spurious or unjustified; genuine.

--there are other entries obviously, but these are the two that i want to focus on. now here is a random list of things that i am convinced are truly illegitimate, no matter how you slice things.

- the profession of exotic dancing (no more justified by grave need than being a hit-man).
- astrological horoscopes (the stars have nothing to with who you're romantically compatible with).
- alleged jinxes and curses in the world of sports (it's provably all in the mind of the player).
- naming your child something non-phonetic to be unique (letters can't be pronounced any which way b/c you want them to).
- feng sui (even the communists decided that this is superstitious nonsense).
- not just reality shows about modeling, but the entire modeling industry itself, and most of the fashion design world along with it, to be honest. (just think through what the industry actually is...try to justify it, especially against a historical backdrop of centuries upon centuries that had no need for fashion modeling, and then see if your justification doesn't sound completely disingenuous. i'd wager anything in advance that it will.

this post is not to offend anyone, and my aim is not to judge whatsoever. only to call a spade a spade - and to vent a little i guess, from a cultural climate that's starting to stifle a little bit.

i will miss him

it's hard to explain why one develops an attachment to an animal. in the past i often thought that people made too much out of their relationships with their pets. i know what it is to be on the other side now. my family now says goodbye to Rocky, a dog that changed our lives in so many ways. if that sounds melodramatic, i can only smile and say that matters not. i will not hesitate to say that a yorkshire terrier is a hero to me, and i know my parents would say the same. not because we elevated Rocky's importance out of neediness...but because this dog played an ACTIVE role in our lives. this dog CHOSE to be loving to all those around him. we can take little (if any) credit for Rocky's character. maybe you had to experience it over time to know what i'm talking about...but as i said, this dog had heroic character. i find myself wanting to love in the way that Rocky did. call it crazy, i don't mind. but i didn't get to see him go, so i'm taking the best course i can think of to honor him and what he meant to me. "this is my friend Sockies"

the A to the T to the L

i'm here! it's kinda surreal, but there's no denying that i'm here. the place seems great. the area seems great. tomorrow i take my first shuttle to the campus, which also seems great. let's hope that things ARE what they seem. more to come...

To a girl I know (knew) - I'm trying to understand

there's so many things i would like to tell you.
there's even more that i would like you to tell me.
...whether or not this ever happens, i still care.

this post used to name the girl to which it refers, but as of November 15th 2008, i cannot think of any less than 6 total girls who this thought could be addressed to. so it seems that the post should be broadened. sometimes i feel like i should give up "trying to understand"... aren't a half-dozen times through this ordeal enough to wear me out? i do still care, but please don't fault me for saying that i am just a man, and this is starting to take a toll. please don't bring me to the point where i feel that honesty and authenticity are better avoided than sought. please, instead remind me that putting another's needs above one's own is still a worthwhile goal in this world.

james mcanally - true poet

Gardens over graves. Grace resurrects.

Thank you for your artful expressions that bring peace and give hope.

pondering the tough stuff

if anyone out there sees the movie Vanilla Sky, and starts to despair over the cruelty of fantasy (especially when it's found to be something other than reality)...may i recommend reading Ecclesiastes? it helped me, if for no other reason than because i needed to know that someone else has felt that weight of meaningless surrounding them, suffocating them. i find much comfort knowing that the writer of Ecclesiastes relates to my worries. now i must figure out what to do with them. to do that, i know one thing for sure...stop taking movies like Vanilla Sky so seriously!

a zealot at the cine

i'm a lucky bastard to have gotten sneak preview tickets to "V For Vendetta". yes it had the violence and bloodflow of a true DC comic, but this movie totally got to me. maybe it's the way the wachowskis did their thing. maybe it was weaving and portman's acting. i dunno. but i yearned to share the ZEAL that they shared. i craved it because it so motivated me. a zealous commitment to a cause can change history. i suppose it can also ruin your soul. maybe the latter happens more often. again, i wouldn't know. but certainly apathy and complacency are no better as alternatives. i think i can imagine some more revolutionary ways to approach a revolution than the "way of the zealot", but at this moment in time, i must admit i respect the zealots out there, for knowing what pushes them onward, for their willingness to give up their lives for (what they see to be) the greater good, and for taking the actual living of life seriously. whether or not i accept all their premises and follow their strategy, i'm indebted to the zealots of my time, and those of history, for from them i can/will summon courage, daring, passion, and resolve. i'm gonna try to continually think about all this...about what it takes to TRULY CHANGE the world we know. not with threat, or coercion, or compliance...but with the beckoning call of a dream.

page 260 of "Choke" says it all right now

uttered by a fictitious character, a bitter and dying old woman at that, these words instantly undo me:
"I spent my life attacking everything because I was too afraid to risk creating anything." i would be far beyond blind to not realize that this is my tendency. more than that, this is the reality that's defined my life lately. perfecting the critique so as to mask the fear of making something that might possible receive critique. it's a sad routine to fall into, but an easy one. i guess i owe chuck palahniuk some thanks, because i don't think i would have the self-awareness to address this if i hadn't read that line. but better to make the tackle with a little help then to never make the tackle at all, right? so thanks for the assist, chuck...now this is between me and my fear. fortunately, the next step shouldn't be all that hard...i already know what i'd like to create. it'll be interesting to see, when next i post on here, whether the stl cohort is taking shape in real life, or if it's still a figment of my imagination. i almost hope i'll be blogging about how it's being "attacked", because that's a sure-fire sign that some actual creation occurred first. that would be cool.

cinnamon will kill you

in case any of you were considering the consumption of a spoonful of cinnamon, i would strongly advice against it. even for a dare (unless the cash payoff is extremely good), it's not worth it. it's not that it's all that spicy. the candy industry has really blown the "heat" aspect of cinnamon out of proportion....the problem is that it's such a fine powder. the moment you lick it off the spoon, the powder coats your entire throat, not moving anywhere except maybe into your windpipe when you take a breath. this causes you to choke. you take a drink of water...that helps, but not that much. you cough for a while (i vomited up a little bit of it actually), and the coughing causes the majority of the powder to shoot up into your nasal passages. then for the next hour you sneeze out cinnamon-snot, and blow out large chunks of cinnamon out of your nose into the kleenex. that's a bizarre sight. i'm serious everybody - it took several hours to get that stuff out of my system, and i'm still raw from all the effort it took. i did find out what i wanted to find out about cinnamon, but i would have rather read the information on an online encyclopdia or something. you live and learn, though, right?